One of my best friends, Amy Hafermehl, came to visit about a week ago. I told her about Logan and I told her I think I was supposed to send him a message. As soon as I said that I got extremely dizzy and I saw black spots everywhere. All Amy said to me was, ‘that was the Holy Spirit. You need to send this guy a message.’ I still couldn’t do it. I spent the next few days with knots in my stomach, but I knew I wouldn't have peace until I sent it. I wrote out the e-mail three times and as soon as I wrote it out I would delete it again.
I went to a church service on Monday night and a man I don’t know did a prophetic word over me. He said ‘there is something you are picturing right now…And you need to go and do that. You need to go through with what you feel like you have to do.’ As he said that I was picturing myself messaging Logan. I went home that night with the intentions of e-mailng him, but as soon as I sat at my computer I chickened out. My mind was filled with how strange I would appear to him.
The next morning at work I sat down to pray with a co-worker. She asked me how she could pray for me and I told her about Logan. I told her the story from start to finish and I told her my fears of messaging him. She prayed for me and made me send it right then. She would not leave me alone until I pressed the send button… And so I sent it. I sent a 700 word message about Jesus to a man I met for about a minute. Can you imagine his reaction? If I didn’t know Jesus and received a message like that I think I would be pretty creeped out… But I do know Jesus and I also know what the Holy Spirit had been beckoning me to do.
Now, all I can do is pray for him. I will pray for him every day until the Lord tells me I can stop. Who knows how long that will be for.
I want to share the message I sent to him.
Dear Logan,
You probably don’t remember me; we met on the last evening of the Canmore folk festival.
I am writing you this e-mail because I won’t have peace until I do. I am writing you this e-mail to tell you that there is hope… There is hope in the darkest of nights.
You see, I struggled with depression for 6 years of my life. I tried a lot of think to make myself feel something…But nothing worked. One night I tried to kill myself, but I failed. This woke me up to reality. Reality that I needed help…Now before I continue I want you to know that I am not accusing you of being depressed, I am simply sharing my story.
After high school I decided to go to bible school and although I had known about Jesus for a long time this was where I learned about his true character. This was where I really gave my life to Christ. I am not trying to shove Jesus down your throat…But I am trying to proclaim truth.
Jesus. His name is love and light and hope. His body was broken and beaten. His body was whipped and abused and tortured. He was mocked, he was laughed at, he was spat on and he was killed.
He died so we could live.
He died so we could live.
This isn’t the end of the story. He was proclaimed dead, but three days later he was raised. He defeated death!!
Jesus. His name brings joy. Jesus. His name is truth. Jesus. His name is freedom.
At bible school I learned to worship him through the trials. I learned that joy does not depend on my circumstances. Following Jesus isn’t easy…After the Canmore folk festival I wanted to ditch my faith and my friends and my family and I wanted to quit my job and meet people all over the world as I traveled…But that is not what God is calling me to do. God is calling me to live in Africa. I need to let go of my desires because I know that his are better…But this is not easy. I can promise you that following Jesus won’t always be easy, but I can promise you that it will be worth it.
I am sinful and my heart is really ugly. I am weak and I am broken, but he can take my dust and make it beautiful. For some crazy reason the same God who created the mountains and the stars and the flowers loves me and wants me…And he loves you and wants you… Every little part of you. He wants to show you who he is. He wants the dirt and the trash. He wants the hurt and the fears.
Satan will tell you that the drugs and the girls will feel good in the moment, and I am sure they will. But he doesn’t tell you about the dark nights and the feelings of hopelessness. He doesn’t tell you that you will need those things just to feel something.
I am sorry if you think I am insane…Actually that’s not true. I am not sorry…I am almost positive that if I didn’t know Jesus and I received an e-mail like this from someone I didn’t know I would be pretty creeped out…But I know what Jesus has been beckoning me to do and I cannot rest until it is done.
If you are really, truly happy I want you to carry on with your life. Disregard this e-mail. But if you know, deep down that you are searching for something else talk to Jesus. Tell him everything about yourself; he already knows it all but he wants to hear it from you. He already knows it all and he still loves you more than you can ever imagine. Listen to him. Quiet your mind and listen to his beautiful, gentle voice.
Yup…that’s about all I have to say. Have a good week.
- Jessica Ellis
P.S. If you have time search how he loves- John piper on youtube. This changed my life
You probably don’t remember me; we met on the last evening of the Canmore folk festival.
I am writing you this e-mail because I won’t have peace until I do. I am writing you this e-mail to tell you that there is hope… There is hope in the darkest of nights.
You see, I struggled with depression for 6 years of my life. I tried a lot of think to make myself feel something…But nothing worked. One night I tried to kill myself, but I failed. This woke me up to reality. Reality that I needed help…Now before I continue I want you to know that I am not accusing you of being depressed, I am simply sharing my story.
After high school I decided to go to bible school and although I had known about Jesus for a long time this was where I learned about his true character. This was where I really gave my life to Christ. I am not trying to shove Jesus down your throat…But I am trying to proclaim truth.
Jesus. His name is love and light and hope. His body was broken and beaten. His body was whipped and abused and tortured. He was mocked, he was laughed at, he was spat on and he was killed.
He died so we could live.
He died so we could live.
This isn’t the end of the story. He was proclaimed dead, but three days later he was raised. He defeated death!!
Jesus. His name brings joy. Jesus. His name is truth. Jesus. His name is freedom.
At bible school I learned to worship him through the trials. I learned that joy does not depend on my circumstances. Following Jesus isn’t easy…After the Canmore folk festival I wanted to ditch my faith and my friends and my family and I wanted to quit my job and meet people all over the world as I traveled…But that is not what God is calling me to do. God is calling me to live in Africa. I need to let go of my desires because I know that his are better…But this is not easy. I can promise you that following Jesus won’t always be easy, but I can promise you that it will be worth it.
I am sinful and my heart is really ugly. I am weak and I am broken, but he can take my dust and make it beautiful. For some crazy reason the same God who created the mountains and the stars and the flowers loves me and wants me…And he loves you and wants you… Every little part of you. He wants to show you who he is. He wants the dirt and the trash. He wants the hurt and the fears.
Satan will tell you that the drugs and the girls will feel good in the moment, and I am sure they will. But he doesn’t tell you about the dark nights and the feelings of hopelessness. He doesn’t tell you that you will need those things just to feel something.
I am sorry if you think I am insane…Actually that’s not true. I am not sorry…I am almost positive that if I didn’t know Jesus and I received an e-mail like this from someone I didn’t know I would be pretty creeped out…But I know what Jesus has been beckoning me to do and I cannot rest until it is done.
If you are really, truly happy I want you to carry on with your life. Disregard this e-mail. But if you know, deep down that you are searching for something else talk to Jesus. Tell him everything about yourself; he already knows it all but he wants to hear it from you. He already knows it all and he still loves you more than you can ever imagine. Listen to him. Quiet your mind and listen to his beautiful, gentle voice.
Yup…that’s about all I have to say. Have a good week.
- Jessica Ellis
P.S. If you have time search how he loves- John piper on youtube. This changed my life
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